By James

1. Have the basic SKILL SET to begin talking to a stranger. You must first “appear” in the persons social radius, letting them know somehow you intend speaking to them, give them a moment from an appropriate distance to check to see that you are a friendly, not hostile stranger, then you must deliver your first words at the appropriate volume and tone for the setting. Many times clients feel the girl wasn’t interested in them, when in fact it was quite clear to me eight feet away that her initial response was welcoming, she just became uncomfortable when she could not hear them clearly. Other times the approach is too sudden and shocks the girl and the energy of the interaction never becomes comfortable.

2. BODY LANGUAGE is crucial on approach, simple things like hands in pockets, (some say a prehistoric reaction that you may be carrying weapons)arms folded, poor posture or fidgeting can doom even the easiest of approaches.

I watch my clients carefully in bars, bookstores and in the streets and give them feedback and coaching. It astounds clients how easy approaching strangers can be and how receptive they are when you are shown precisely how.

I have traveled constantly for nearly five years and most of the time I have entered a new country on my own. I am sure that on average I have approached more than two strangers per day, some days when get lost I may talk to 20, but even just two a day would amount to 3500 approaches. I am not a big fan of detailed maps or following guidebooks and found the most efficient way to get up to date, relevant and expert opinions is to ask locals. If I can approach skillfully, it is the best way I know to make new friends in a hurry. For instance, I would suggest those visiting Paris in August begin with a friendly “Bonsoir? Parlez-vous anglais?” rather than something in English to help avoid a spot of French saliva on their faces. This is a fine example for this article, because once someone is taught how to approach correctly, they will find many Parisians are not hostile at all to “polite” tourists, they are proud of their amazing city and can be amongst the most welcoming and gracious of hosts.

3. The confidence and TOOLS to effectively START AND SUSTAIN GOOD CONVERSATION. Real confidence often comes from knowing what do. I have and teach skills such as good use of open ended questions, effective LISTENING for free information, vacuums, good eye contact and kino, required to deepen and sustain a conversation with a complete stranger.

As I have the tools to build a good conversation I am infinitely more confident and successful at beginning one. Please see my articles on “Transitioning to a Natural Approach” http://charismaarts.com/blog/James/196 and http://charismaarts.com/blog/James/197.

4. Have the RIGHT ENERGY AND STATE OF MIND for the particular approach. This may be the most important of all because, if you get this right the rest of this stuff may even fall into place on it’s own. I have a number of exercises I use to get my client’s energy and state of mind right for the approaches we are attempting. I have seen my client’s mess up most of the rest of these six points and still do really well because they have a wonderful warm, confident friendly energy about them and the stranger welcomes this into their day, or night or life!

5. DO NOT PROJECT SEXUAL INTENT, try not projecting an obvious sexual or romantic agenda before you have uncovered a real reason to be romantically interested in a girl. You are just a friendly, social guy chatting with another stranger. When you have uncovered things you find attractive about her, it is highly recommend you DO project sexual or romantic intent with kino, eye contact and an appropriate statement of intent.

Beautiful, desirable women with a healthy self image are not often attracted to guys who are attracted to them solely on the basis of their physical appearance. I believe these women are biologically programmed or have discovered consciously or sub consciously though experience, that the guys who are immediately interested in them purely because of their looks tend to be loosers. (sorry, less desirable men)

A man with things to offer a seriously beautiful women, who has already had more than his share of women of her calibre, would surely want to know more about her life, hobbies, interests, IQ, sensuality and character before he starts to drool down his chin, fantasizing about waking up one sunny morning, spooning against her magnificent ass and then…………..

Yes, like nearly everything in social coaching, this rule does not apply 100% of the time, but the few exceptions I have seen have been extremely confident, charismatic men, far more handsome than I. Please note I am writing this assuming you are looking to meet women with a healthy self image at or above your relative “social level or value”.

As an aside, I tell everyone who cares to listen that virtually nothing in this industry, applies 100% of the time to 100% of the people. At a recent seminar, the great man himself, Wayne Elise, piped in and corrected me; “everyone should always keep their nose hairs trimmed 100% of the time.” I stand corrected and I’m still giggling 48 hours later.

A Charisma Arts bootcamp will significantly increase your approaching and conversation skills and you will be better able to start and sustain more great interactions with people, and yes more hot girls.

A text from my last Private Instruction client says it well;

“Thnx for showing me how 2 open a new chapter in my life!”

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