Attracting Women by Showing Interest: Myths and Truths

By GK

I feel the need to put on my detective’s hat and unmask some urban legends I’ve noticed regarding my favorite part of Juggler Method: the Statement of Interest.

I’m known for teaching my Big Four to students — four basic ways to become great with women — and the results don’t lie. (Check out my recent reviews on the forum.)  But within that four, I consider this part the most powerful: “Tell her you like her.” This is the part associated with the SOI, and if you know nothing else, know this: If you can consistently show justifiable interest in women, expect to write a fun-filled journal. It’s worked for me.

But much like The Force, the AllSpark or any other film reference my nerdy mind can think of, this knowledge can be used the wrong way. The acronym itself — SOI — can be confusing to a beginner, which is why I prefer to say “tell her you like her” or “show your interest.” Allow me to set straight some common misconceptions:

Myth: An SOI is meant to compliment a woman’s character trait and make her feel sexy.

Truth: We are not trying to make women believe they’re sexy. We’re trying to show them we find them sexy. See the difference? In the mythical example, we are being altruistic do-gooders, and this is lacking one vital ingredient: believability. The sexual interest has to appear justified, and altruism just isn’t believable. If someone walked up to you in a bar and handed you a $100 bill for no reason and without wanting anything in return, wouldn’t he seem fishy to you? Same idea here.

So remember to keep your SOIs selfish. Tell her how you get a personal benefit from her sexiness, and show, don’t tell, when possible. For instance, if she has traveled a lot: “I like you. I travel someplace new every year, and I think you’re sexy for having explored. I can actually tell you about visiting Machu Picchu without you thinking it’s a rice dish like this other girl I met recently.”

Myth: You need to make your SOI on a deep character trait.

Truth: Early on, you should be doing the opposite of this. I’ve seen too many guys get caught in “passive game,” waiting so long for her to reveal a huge character trait, like adopting starving orphans, that they forget to tell her they like her at all. You’ll never pull Angelina Jolie that way. I prefer to just keep it light at the beginning with something like, “I like you, I’m having fun with you, I want to get to know you better.”

I was inspired to write this article after reading a question on our forum about how to tell a nurse you find it sexy that she loves helping people. The common response would be to say something like, “I find it sexy that you’re so generous.”

But does this really make sense? I find generosity to be admirable — I might even marry a woman someday for it — but I don’t find it immediately sexy, and even if I did I’d have a hard time convincing her otherwise. So if you’re going to show interest in her based on her nursing or some other deep trait, have some fun with it: “I like you, you’re the best company I’ve had tonight. I’m having some naughty thoughts of you taking care of me in your nurse’s outfit. I bet you’d look sexy in one.”

Also remember, we’re not showing interest in her character trait. We’re showing interest in her. So I advise saying “I find you sexy” instead of “I find that sexy about you.” I know it’s riskier that way, but you’re a bad-ass. So take risks like one.

Myth: You should not SOI a woman on her looks.

Truth: Again, I say no. Just find me a woman who doesn’t want to be desired for her beauty. Although she ought to know that we want her for something other than her looks, I think we risk sounding asexual by not mentioning them at all. In fact, during the day I regularly have my students use a woman’s looks as the justification for approaching them. They’re amazed to find how effective it is.

Myth: The only way to SOI a woman is using the word sexy.

Truth: We teach the word sexy because it’s a good, fool-proof way to show interest for guys who aren’t used to being sexual. But I would dare say there are even better ways to show her she’s turning me on: such as actually saying, “You’re turning me on.” Try it sometime. But don’t blame me if she hurts your back by jumping on you with mad passion.

Also, remember that touching a woman (another of my Big Four) is a non-verbal SOI.

Myth: You need to wait at least X minutes before you SOI.

Truth: It helps to think of the SOI less as just another item on a checklist. Instead, just show interest when she’s done something to earn it. Again, don’t dig too hard. If she’s down to earth or easy to talk to, just say that. If she has a sexy walk, tell her that. Just ask yourself what makes you happy when meeting a woman, and let her know about it. This can happen within one minute, or after 20 minutes.

If you want to put all this into practice and learn how to show interest the right way, take a Charm School Bootcamp or Private Instruction with me in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle or beyond.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to track down Bigfoot.