Before Opening: What to Do by JulianL

I believe an approach can be made considerably easier by observing a few key points even before the approach.

I used to be so terrified of approaching I would just duck in there as if under enemy grenade attack. As anybody can guess, that made for some nasty blow ups, pun intended. Here’s a few ideas to make your life a lot easier than mine used to be.

You can skip everything that follows by answering for yourself the simple yet important question:

What makes me comfortable?

Think about what strangers do to make you comfortable. Chances are, what “works” on you will work on everybody else, too.

All you need to do in the initial stage of your interaction is to make her feel comfortable. Everything is built upon that foundation. If she’s not comfortable with you nothing will happen. If she is, well, the sky’s the limit. In order to make her feel comfortable you have to be comfortable (or at least appear to be. More on that later).

This isn’t brain surgery but simple human interaction. Well, for me it used to not be so simple, so CA had to break it down for me. The following are eight points I used to think of before approaching until it became second nature. All these points are what make up the vibe that “Natural Comfortable Guy” projects when approaching, making for great success in his approaches.

When I have an off night, I run this check list and usually I’m missing one or more of these. If you get these right, your approach will be made a million times easier and more successful. Yes, a million, that’s a measured statistical fact!

1) I imagine myself radiating warmth and generosity. Juggler uses the metaphor of the sun. Not in the sense of self-importance, rather a sense of glow, in the spirit of extending warmth to one’s surroundings. This imagery works.

2) Perspective. Greg and dR, the instructors I learned from, use the following metaphor: “One girl, one night, one bar, who cares?” Indeed.

Also, they say, “Don’t put girls on pedestals”. Easier said than done. Do it. Or, rather, don’t.

3) I remember that no matter how bad the blow out might be, the feeling in my stomach of having missed an opportunity entirely is worse. Like Jack Nicklaus, the golf hero of my youth, used to say, “If you leave a putt short, it can never go in.”

dR even makes use of the fear of approaching by turning it into something he calls “Approach Excitement“. In other words, he takes his fear as extra energy into the approach with him, kind of as rocket fuel. In psychology that is called a “re-frame”, to turn a negative into a positive.

4) Energy: I observe the energy level of the group I’m about to approach and make sure I come in about ten to twenty percent higher than the group. If I’m significantly higher, I’ll likely come across as uncalibrated and try hard, if I come in lower, I’m easily ignored.

Now I’m ready to approach:

5) I make sure I’m a hundred percent committed to the interaction. I’m not kind of talking to them, looking over my shoulder or some other such misguided notion of pseudo cool. No, I’m here, body open, arms down to the side, vulnerable. It’s funny how vulnerability is strength of the highest caliber. Yes, it feels uncomfortable and scary. That’s because it takes balls to approach this way.

6) I have a slight smile on my face when I approach. This smile comes from knowing that I add value to their night. Remember the line from Hitch, “What girl wakes up thinking she doesn’t want to be swept of her feet today?”

At the very least, I will contribute to her day by making her laugh, maybe tell her something she didn’t know, at the very best… who knows?

7) I never open my mouth until I have the girl’s attention. That means she looks at me.

I get her to look at me in one of two ways. First, I can just step into her space, and she’ll eventually turn towards me. Second option: I touch her on the shoulder with the back of my hand and step into her space at the same time. That way I know she will pay attention.

During the day, it is perfectly acceptable to say, “Excuse me” and then wait until she turns to look. In fact, in the day I’d recommend to not touch the girl initially, but this is no hard and fast rule.

Eye contact. Now she’s looking at me. Wouldn’t it be weird if I didn’t  return the favor?

One girl said to me, “Wow, you really look at me when you’re talking to me, you’d be amazed how many guys come up to me and can’t even look me in the eye.”

I wasn’t amazed. Just a couple months earlier, I had been that guy.

Don’t be that guy!

These are the eight points that make up the vibe of “Natural Comfortable Guy”. Now you will have to open your mouth and speak. That’s what Juggler Method is all about, to learn how to communicate with not only the women you desire, but anybody, your co-workers, family, friends, whoever.

One last thing for my neurotic friends out there. If you’re a head case like myself, the following may be valuable to you.

When I was first introduced to these eight points, I would attempt to apply them and this friendly little voice in my head would sound off: “Bull***t. You’re not the sun. You’re just a little no good idiot about to interfere with their conversation.” Or. “What do you mean, ‘Who cares?’, I will remember this rejection for the rest of your life, and remind you of it every chance I get”. Good stuff.

Needless to say, DO NOT argue with the little voice in your head. Aside from the fact that people around you might finally have the proof they need to send you to an institution, it is not effective.

The only thing that I have found to be effective is to simply let the voice be there and not interact with it in any way. Incidentally, this is also the solution offered at the end of the movie “A Beautiful Mind”: The happy delusions are still there, he just chose to stop interacting with them and move on with this life.

In other words, keep approaching and keep letting the little voice do its thing. It’ll eventually move on to greener pastures. Like pointing out to you that you definitely don’t deserve that hot girl that now wants to sleep with you. Fun stuff.

Rinse and repeat.

We’d love for you to participate in one of our live events. To sign up for a boot camp or private instruction, please visit our website at www.charismaarts.com and check out the dates for boot camps, or click on the “Instructor” tab at the top to see which instructor might be the best fit for a private instruction.

All the best on your journey!