Listening
By Wayne Elise
Most of us listen so poorly to others because we don’t want to hear what they have to say. We want them to be different from who they truly are. We push them to be pawns of our desire so frantically we put words in their mouths:
“How you doing, alright?”
“Did you have a good time at the circus?”
“Oh, you work as a nurse. That’s a noble profession. You’re a good person.”
Those lines are bad. They are representative of our biases and our nervous need to push the conversation. We want a conversational partner so badly we can’t relax and wait for the truth. That’s not sexy. It also causes a disconnect from the other person. When we try to move the relationship forward he or she freaks out. “You don’t really know me. Why do you want to spend time with me alone? You are thinking I’m different than what I am. You are trying to force me to be other than what I am. You are intimating that I have led you on – that I am that person. Apparently I have deceived you or you have deceived yourself. I feel trapped but I guess a little more deception can’t hurt. I’ll just make up a lie to get out of this. I will flake on you. Tell you at the last minute that my cousin is in town and I have to show her around, yeah, that’s a good one. Goodbye.”
Sexy people are never bothered by hearing another person’s truth, good, bad or otherwise.
“How was your night?”
“Are you wanting to go right now? I don’t want to keep you.”
“I want to see you but you can say no.”
“Does that make sense or am I crazy? I might be crazy. There’s no shame in being crazy.”
Subtly, these [...]
Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know
By Wayne Elise
Mad, bad and dangerous to know. That’s what they said about Byron the poet. He was a hell-raiser who seduced innocent, young women, made enemies, fought duels, slept with his cousin – that sort of thing.
I think we need more of that type of behavior around here. An informal poll of women I know reveals a taste for men who are mad, bad and dangerous to know.
“They’re sexy,” says Kelly.
“I like a man who lives by his own rules,” says Kim.
“I think it’s hot when a man wears eyeliner,” says Shannon, ” Is that what you’re talking about?” Sometimes it is, Shannon, sometimes it is.
My friend Mike personifies the modern Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know Man. (not to be confused with instructor Mike who works at Charisma Arts and who’s also pretty MBD)
Mike is someone I got to know because one day we realized we rode the same model Vespa – instant connection.
Let’s take a look at his qualities.
MAD: Sometimes Mike trims his hair baby-short and wears a dog collar. This makes him look scary. He and his girlfriend are taking part in a clinical trial in which they don’t brush their teeth for three weeks. Today he quietly handed me a note that said he was not speaking today – for fun. That’s just the sort of antisocial behavior that gives him the reputation of being mad. Completely mad. And mad can be sexy.
BAD: Mike breaks rules. His girlfriend is 26 years younger. He attached the license plate to his Vespa with velcro to avoid parking tickets. He doesn’t mind telling someone to f*ck off. He once had sex with a girl on her boss’s desk, who was a raging feminist, just for the irony of the act.
DANGEROUS TO KNOW: Mike likes adventure and might just [...]