Commitment

I decided to write this post as this is something I feel my clients often do not realize the importance of. When I think about it, numerous pillars of our method revolve around the idea of commitment from both parties in an interaction. So I want to share some of my thoughts with you about why this often undervalued principle is so important. First, barring a few exceptions due to extraneous circumstances, I cannot think of an interaction that I was 'blown out' of when I was fully committed to beginning a conversation. The times when I have been unsuccessful in my endeavors have been when I was in my head, and betrayed this self-consciousness through  non-verbal behavior. In other words, I was not thinking about the other person and my genuine interest in engaging them, but instead I was thinking of myself, and how to get something from them. I feel that this is a negative mindset to be in, as it prevents you from being in the moment and focused on finding out about this unique person that fate has placed across your path.

Take a moment to think about how you would like to be approached by someone. Would you like them to sidle up, ask you for your opinion on something they did not really care about, all the while talking over their shoulder in an attempt to somehow show that they are not really interested in you as a person? Or would you rather they approached you as a curious, confident, yet vulnerable individual, committed to finding out about you, not in an intrusive manner, but simply as one person to another? The latter shows an attitude to a potential partner which is not only more caring, but also braver in my opinion.

Second, in order to encourage someone to open up to you, you must commit yourself to baring your soul to them, I believe. I feel that many of our followers associate 'getting commitment' from someone with asking open-ended questions with a straight face, until she starts to tell you her intimate secrets. Whilst there is of course a place for this in any conversation, for this to happen, you, the initiator, must also reveal yourself to someone. As I will elaborate on below, a woman is looking for a man to lead her through each stage of the courtship, and this includes modeling the behavior that you wish her to exhibit. If you wish her to bare her femininity to you, then you must bare your masculinity to her. You must speak from your heart, disqualify yourself, commit to sharing how you feel about this world to her, this is a prerequisite for a connection to be made between the two of you.

This means really telling her who you are. I see clients all the time, who seem to tell the same stories about themselves as if it is some kind of technique, a routine to extract something from the other person. If I did this even a few times I would bore myself silly. My feelings change every minute. Opening up to someone isn't about listing a bunch of stories that are supposed to 'work'. It is about going with how you feel in that moment and committing yourself to sharing that, even if you feel what you say might not 'work'. It is a lot more interesting, and also a lot more fun that way in my view. Take some risks. Do things that are unexpected. That is sexy.

Third, from the man's perspective, in order to attract a woman you must commit to leading her throughout your courtship, right from the moment that you both lay eyes on one another, to the bedroom or even to the aisle! I may be getting ahead of some of you there, but I believe that a woman seeks a man in this world who is not afraid to lead, who is not apologetic of his desires as a man, and who is committed to being strong in their relationship. Not in a possessive or domineering way, but in a way that allows her to be feminine, to be beautiful, to be comfortable that she can let herself go and that he can be the bold, confident, yet also humble man she seeks to protect and care for her.

I am not suggesting here that you reveal all of your secrets in the first ten minutes of an interaction. That would probably be too much for someone to cope with. I try to fill my conversations with women with fun, for that is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs I know. Nor am I suggesting that you are overly emotional with women; all heart and no spine. Yet I feel that all too many men in this society think that in order to be men they need to not show emotion, to not talk about their feelings; their hopes and fears. They are all spine and no heart.

What I am talking about lies somewhere in the middle. A man who commits to being a man, embraces his masculinity, yet is also not afraid to show some attributes more traditionally associated with the feminine sphere. To me, this is a man that women not only respect and admire, yet also feel that they can connect to, can open up to, and fall for.

Commit to being more like the person I have described and I am confident that you will begin to see improvements in your relationships. If you still feel that you need guidance, come on a bootcamp with me or another of our superb instructors, and we will show you what it means to be this man.  For more information contact Dan Tena at dan@chrismaarts.com .

Thanks for reading

Harry--