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Lessons in Male Confidence |
by James
“In Russia , a man who cannot come up to a strange girl and start talking to her is a loser. He is nothing. It does not matter how much money he has, his education, how clever, funny or handsome he is……
Why don’t your mothers and fathers sit down with their sons and teach them teach these things? It is so basic. I do not understand how this could happen….
Do men in your culture realize they lose a lot in their own lives not being confident, when they are unable to come up to a woman?….
What woman wants man who is scared of women?”
I got all this after hearing about three good looking, tall, athletic Australian and American guys that came up and started trying to talk to my new 5′10 Russian friend, as she lay beside the pool in her bikini reading. They came up, all visibly nervous, one asked if he could sit down on the lounger beside her, she asked “why?” and he nearly choked in fear. All jumped straight onto the clichéd question train; “Where are you from”, “Oh I bet you like Vodka?”, “What do you think of communism?” None, introduced themselves by name, shook her hand or asked much about her. They were all cautiously testing the water for acceptance and approval.
Beautiful Russian girl in swimsuit not like nervous mans; “I wish to read my book now. You have nice day.”
She is educated, traveled and well read. She is from a wealthy family, both parents are PhD’s, her father sounds like the veritable Russian superman.
She presents as the typical Russian Ice Queen, complete with impeccable posture and shorts barely wider than my belt. They leave an inch or two Russia ’s finest ass for public viewing, atop legs that raise motor vehicle insurance premiums wherever she walks.
She will never laugh or even smile around people she does not know really well; “Yes, I am considered bitch, even in Russia “
She has strong opinions on men and women. She taught me more about “being a man” than everything in the community combined.
- “All women want a confident man. That is genuine strength and certainty from their inner core. This is the number 1 most important attribute in an attractive man. If you don’t have confidence, all the other stuff put together doesn’t really matter to a woman”
- “A man must make decisions and follow through, this wishy-washy indecisive thing not attractive at all”
-”You must be in control, be in charge, if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you look after you and me?
-”I want to feel safe, that I can be weak and vulnerable with a man and he that he will protect me like my father did when I was little girl. That is man I want. This is man I give my trust, my heart my body and soul.”
- If a girl says to “you remind me of my father” and she likes her father, this is about the strongest indicator of interest you can get. Check you’ve brushed your teeth, your room is clean and you’ve got condoms ready. You’re in big time buster!
- Take the lead, always have a plan for the two of you. don’t leave it up to her and for heavens sake do not ask her “so what would you like to do” on an early date. Take charge but consider her, may be offer her some choices, for your day, for your holiday for your first date.
- If you are talking to other girls in her presence, particularly attractive girls, take her hand or put your arm around her. You can now talk all you want, even flirt with and compliment the other girls, she now feels protected and safe. This will make her feel like a princess.
- Take her hand when you are walking together, moving or changing direction.
- Hold her hand or put your arm around her often when you are together in public.
- Always walk on the street side, protecting her from the road and cars. I have got this advice from the finest women I have dated. These differences are how the most beautiful and desirable of women sift through the masses of handsome, successful, confident and desirable men who constantly pursue them. It is guys who do these little 1% things that wake up in the morning to find that sweet, naked runway model curled around them with love and a suggestive twinkle in her magnificent eyes. I don’t know of any sports car or boat that will compare, sorry.
- Women hate men who have to ask. Women are massively attracted to a guy who just intuitively knows what she wants. Don’t ask just do it, especially behind closed doors boys! (Note this takes experience and practice, but sweet, genuine women are generally forgiving and eager to help you learn)
- Check with your girl, but if I wake and go to the bathroom at night, the correct thing to do when I return is to very gently put my arms around her or pull her over to my chest. It does not matter much if I wake her, she will drift back to sleep quickly feeling cared for, loved and protected by a man. She will then see to it that my morning is most enjoyable!
Truth be told, after learning to carefully avoid her many prickles and always acting like a man, she turned into a sweet, soft, sensual and brilliant woman, one if the best women I have dated. I have rarely laughed so hard with anyone.
After battling to be “man” enough for new my Russian girl over a number of weeks, I am finding I am far more confident, masculine and attractive around the 3.5 billion less difficult and demanding women of the world.
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October 22nd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Hi James,
I was happy to see this article because Ocean’s review of his personal training made me curious about you.
I’m interested to hear more of your ideas, but it seems to me that you don’t post that much in the forum.
Btw, is your surname Bond, by any chance?
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:26 am
l loved your article and l need more tricks on how to be confident approaching a woman because l thick am in love with some.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
I consider that an arrogant post and really not in fitting with CA.
Why would one want to date or otherwise such a plastic, self-absorbed person; I would have told her to fuck off long since.
That is a really a retarded post and posted by an actual instructor too! It should be taken down from this website or edited by someone who doesn’t write like such a pickup nerd asap as it ruins what is normally quality material.
October 23rd, 2008 at 6:32 pm
I agree with Xavier.
I think it is sexy when a beautiful woman is warm towards everyone. It tells me that she is confident enough to not care what people think of her.
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Whether or not you would you date this person is irrelevant to the quality of the information contained in this article. James was using this somewhat extreme example to better get his point across, he had to be superman here and apply everything he talked about below. Do you see how less effective the article would be if he talked about a girl where he had to only apply a few of those things?
I fail to see how this article makes him come across as a ‘pickup nerd’. I don’t see any silly acronym’s or ’social theory’ constructed from within and then discussed ad nauseam on internet forums. All I see is advice based on real life experience on not only how to be successful with women, but also life.
Great article James! You’re an amazing writer.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I think this is a valuable piece of information.
I was at a bar the other night. A very attractive woman sat down next to me and started to play with her iPhone immediately. I pulled out my phone and said, “That’s a really cool phone, mine just makes phone calls.” To which she replied, “That’s because it’s s***.” Now, I’m a pretty shy person and am sensitive to criticisms. But after taking the bootcamp, I’ve learned ways to deal with this. Instead of retreating into myself and leaving, I did what my instructor taught me: always agree. So I told her, “I can’t argue with that,” and laughed. She chuckled, so I asked her what functions she had on her phone and kino’d her which lead to a good conversation.
Now, had I retreated into myself, I would not have had that interaction. But because I acted confidently, she was willing to put her iPhone down and have a conversation with me.
Attractive women get hit on all the time and just as men have ways of figuring out a woman to see if she’s someone worth dating, women have their own ways. It’s not always in a positive manner, but I can see why that can be as there are alot of loutish men in this world. The goal for me, after the bootcamp, is to try to get past that first impression and finding out who that person really is.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
..and presenting myself in a confident manner is the best road to that goal.
October 24th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
It is really very informative for youngsters, who really need this knowledge, at this present time, where there is no time for ourselves, in our busy life.
Thanks for this information.
Best wishes,
S.K.Chopra
Accupressurist & Herbalist and Cousellor
October 25th, 2008 at 3:26 am
I think this is some genuine piece of advice for people who not only want to date good looking *successful* women, but want quality female friends to hang out with them all the time as well.
James dates really hot women; I have seen him in action. He can stop women in their tracks just by using his eyes, he’s so confident! Your typical wannabe “PUA” can’t even maintain a decent eye contact; he’s terribly nervous, always seeking permission to do things, talks too fast without giving the woman a chance, hiding his insecurities. I have seen them in action too; sorry but I don’t want to hang out with them.
Zar, yes you find the beautiful women who are warm to everyone really sexy. We all do. I am sure this Russian woman is warm and friendly to people in general. But these guys came over with sexual intent in their minds, not to talk about barmy weather; and women can sense that from a mile. Of course, she doesn’t want to sleep with the guys who are very nervous, who have to ask for permission to sit down on public property! And can you blame women for that? I mean men don’t give other beta men respect; what makes you think women do?
Again, James is talking about hot, successful, educated women. Yeah you can play tricks and amuse a shy teenager – but you don’t need “game” for that.
In my humble opinion, a man who can take control, a man with ambition and confidence is a man who can achieve anything in life. He is going places, he is going to make things happen, and women know that; they want to come along for a ride. That’s why if you are an upstart kid singing in a corner bar with a cheap guitar, you have more women than a shy millionaire banker.
To recap with Juggler’s comment in his Sydney talk, she *has to* feel that you are the kind of guy who can escalate and make things happen when/if she was to be alone with you. She will give you a slight chance, but she has to know you’ll be able to step up. And it isn’t going to happen if you need her permission to sit down and be wholesomely needy.
October 26th, 2008 at 4:34 am
This is a great article and while an exteme example it is a great example of how a woman wants a “man” to be like.
Not sure if everyone realises but the photo above is actually the real girl! James has a camera filled with beauties just like this but usually wearing less… Not sure of any “pickup nerd” capable of such a feat.
If you liked this article you should check out the reviews james is getting on the forum there also full of great examples of what he teaches.
http://forum.charismaarts.com/viewtopic.php?f=33&t=7195
October 28th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
He comes across as a complete asshole in this post, I’m not taking a bootcamp with him for this.
October 29th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Dear Xavier-san,
I agree with you. Something stirs me up when I read this. It makes me think about how pathetic I can be. It makes me want to tighten my fists, bite my lip and kick chairs about.
I think part of a writer’s gift is their ability to evoke emotion. I once sat in an eCommerce lecture where they played a documentary; the subject was censorship and the internet. One lady said “if the internet scares us, it is because we are looking at a reflection of ourselves; it mirrors us perfectly.”
October 29th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Guys,
I think this is a great post and don’t think anybody comes across as an arsehole for writing this post.
Russian women are v ice cold and not easy to break through and are treated by foreigners as “meat” - have been there a number of times for work and holidays and that is just how it is.
It is an excellent post - if you follow James’ advice, I genuinely believe your dating will improve substantially. I fell head over heels for a great down to earth girl earlier this year - we still platonically catch-up and she told me almost word for word the same advice and my results have improved dramatically. She told me that a woman can never trust a guy who is scared or not confident around her because ultimately how can he then protect her? I think this is very true.
Remember, James is advocating “confidence” and not “arrogance”.
One of the best posts this year I think.
October 30th, 2008 at 6:42 am
I think this is an interesting debate (if we can leave out the name-calling). Although I didn’t say it above, when I first read this post, I too felt that I really didn’t like the girl in this article and that the advice made me feel horribly constricted. To me it almost seems like the opposite of disqualification. As I see it, she is qualifying and, rather than disqualifying, James is changing himself to meet her qualifications. I am undecided whether that is a good thing, for either of them. It brings me back to Juggler’s words: “The ideal man is not your friend. He is a vodoo hobgoblin.”
That said, the Celts wives used to tell them to come back “with their swords or on them”, and I can see that women’s expectations could motivate us to improve ourselves. At the end of the day, I trust my gut though, and my gut feels horribly clenched at the prospect of letting any particular woman tell me who to be. I suspect that there may be a heathier motivation for self-improvement.
I’d be very interested to see how this relationship works out.
October 30th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Great post as always James. I think everyone should read this twice.
Please understand that James is trying to be helpful and just speaking from personal experience on what he has learnt.
He has taught me so much about women, sexuality and what it means to be a man today, and I would receommend both men and women to listen to what he has to say.
PS If any of you get the chance to meet him someday, get him to show you the pictures of girls he has been with. He is about as far away from a pick-up nerd as you can get!