By James

I never, like not even once, got lucky when I went out “sarging” for women.

I do not get lucky when I am sad, unhappy or not enjoying myself.

I never get lucky if I am being insincere, dishonest or pretending to be something I am not.

I sometimes do get lucky when I am with people I whose company I adore, or doing something I love.

BOOKSTORES

I spend some of my free time in book stores. When I used to go in, hunting around for cute girls to approach, I never seemed get further than a coffee.

When I go in with my mind predominantly focused on books or the passing time, I sometimes see a cute girl and strike up a conversation. I have met and gone on started seeing a number of amazing women in bookstores. Two or three of these “nerdy booklovers” came directly from the top shelf.

BARS

When I once spent a lot of time going into bars “sarging”, I managed to get many numbers, which turned into just a handful of dates, which never, ever made it through to breakfast.

I am not big on the quality of women I meet in bars, but when I start having a great time, I sometimes can do really well. It was no co-incidence I was having an immensely enjoyable time coaching a bootcamp and philosophizing with Johnny Saviour, the night a brilliant, sweet, witty, 6′1 professional model with the, yes the, greatest body I have seen in my life, took me back to a café near her place. I spent the next 5 or so weeks living in her model appartment, magnificent!

WOMEN are many times more intuitive than men, they KNOW when you are out, just trying to “PICK SOMEONE UP”. They find it fake, insincere, needy and not at all attractive. If you don’t believe me, ask.

If you are going to bars and you just want some dull, moderately attractive, possibly drunken girl for a short time this may be fine. She may be just grateful that a guy has come along, started hitting on her and is escalating competently. She may know you are just interested in her because she is the finest creature with two legs and no balls, who hasn’t already rejected you tonight. If you are the best offer she has had a while, she may swallow her female pride and let you continue. Try that logic on the sweet, beautiful girl with a great life, career, wonderful parents, many interests and lots of friends who lights up the entire room as she enters.

Many guys out regularly “sarging” in packs, especially those using canned material, seem to end up with little or nothing, except stories and the odd “number close” or drunken “kiss close”. Yuuuuckkk!! If they were honest with themselves, those few who get somewhere, would possibly admit they usually end up with women well bellow what they would like and think they deserve.

I think the small percentage of guys out regularly “sarging”, who experience some success with physically attractive women, often seem to enjoy their “sarging success” with needy, empty, insecure and toxic women. Hmmmm, don’t they say like attracts like? This serves only to further enhance their misogyny, their negative perceptions and one dimensional objectives with women. This reduces their long term happiness with women, with themselves and possibly also their mental health.

If you want to find someone(s) amazing, fun and inspiring, who you also find physically attractive, who fills you with joy when you wake in the morning with her naked beside you, please don’t start by going out purely to “pick up” the best female physical specimen you can. I don’t think it is going to happen that way for you.

Don’t walk in with your “wing”, scope the entire bar out, talk for a while, summon up the courage to approach, wimp out, finally grit your teeth and go approach, badly, stay in longer than you were welcome, come back, call her “a bitch”, then deconstruct with your wing for the next 15 minutes why your opener did not work, (it was your opener, not YOU that got rejected after all:-)) and then repeat this process 8 times that night, ignoring everyone in the bar but the more attractive girls. GIRLS NOTICE, even the dull and drunk ones, and they have a special word for guys like this, LOOSER!!

YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKS If you are going to “play” in your social or work environment, or in yoga/dance/art classes this is all the more important. Being seen as a “player, ladies man or womanizer” can have some real advantages. Being seen as the guy who hits on every remotely attractive girl and is only interested in women for what is between their legs is a gruesome, ugly death. The girls will unanimously dismiss you, and women can be cruel, savagely cruel; “Trust me, that guy’s a real dick, I’d stay well away well girl”

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO DO? I write a lot about book stores, but my all time best place for meeting girls is most certainly not there. No where near. I love playing sport, virtually nothing makes me happier. Beach volleyball is no where near my favorite sport, but often nice girls, wearing not much, are around. I have played at may be 6 or 7 different locations in my life. Every time I’ve met and successfully dated girls, several just awesome. A few times I even had several competing for me during and after the game.

WHY SO MUCH SUCCESS FOR ME HERE? I was blissfully happy. I was PRESENT. I was at one with the universe. Women find a man happy man doing what he loves to do very attractive!

HAPPINESS and PASSION can make you HOT! Ask a stage performer doing what they love.

- If you’ve read this far, please, please, please read my post “12 New Ideas to make you more attractive and interesting to women” now. If you like that read some more of what I have written. I am trying to send out a constructive message here. I followed some advice that some of you may be following. It was disasterous for me and for many other successful, decent, interesting and even handsome guys I have met in the last year. It DESTROYED on my success with women, my social skills, general happiness and indeed my self worth and confidence.

Wayne’s extraordinary writing made me laugh out loud, whilst giving me permission to be myself again.

Key Points

- Focus on using your social or “pickup” skills to find friends, women and men, who can consistently make you happy and bring your energy up. Perhaps the most difficult thing in the world is to succeed (at anything) from within an unsuccessful peer group.

- Do things you are passionate about. If that is only drinking, computer games and talking about “Sarging”, then perhaps you might consider some other interests.

- Women KNOW when you are just out to try to meet women and do not find this attractive. Go out to enjoy your self with your friends and to meet fun and interesting people. Please don’t just focus on strategies to approach hot girls.

-Women seem much more attracted to guys who are mainly focused and passionate about something other than them.

- I would suggest focusing on becoming a great socialiser, rather than the world’s greatest pick-up artist. Basic escalation skills are still required, but social skills and social networks are what gets the most desirable girls and the most girls if that is what you are after.

HAPPINESS and PASSION make you HOT!!…

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