An amateur rushes his words because he doesn't want to be judged. He wants to zip through to the end. He is so afraid of putting himself on the line that he will avoid at all costs giving her a chance to judge him. He seeks control and surety. A pro takes his time because he WANTS to be judged and evaluated. He understands that each time a judgment is passed a commitment is made. Small commitments snowball into larger ones. He is not afraid of putting himself on the line. He also knows that each judgment point is an opportunity to show how personally unafraid he is of someone's judgment. This makes him stronger. He allows plenty of space for judgment. One way of creating that space is to slow down and add pauses that allow your listener to evaluate as you go along.

Using my Favorite Line in a Coffee Shop as an example:

Amateur: "I got to go to the counter, can you do me a favor and if someone takes my laptop can you chase them down and beat the crap out of them?"

Girl: (Smiles) "Sure." She thinks that was very clever. Goes back to studying.

Compare that too:

Pro: "Hey." (Pause)

Girl turns to look at him (she is taking an action in pursuit of finding out what and who is wanting her attention - it may be tiny but this is a form of commitment.)

Pro: "I'd like you to do me a favor." (Pause)

Girl: "Um okay, What?" She is wondering what this could possibly be (her wondering is a commitment) She also takes the moment to check out his sub-communication. She sees that it is strong, open, relaxed and friendly. More commitment.

Pro: "I have to go to the counter. If someone takes my laptop (slight pause to let this sink in) can you chase them down and beat the crap out of them?"

Girl: (Laughing) Sure, okay. I can do that, I'm a runner. (Good feelings all around) She feels connected to the "joke".

Here is another example of something that I do all the time:

I approach a girl.

Me: "Hey."

She will turn and look at me. (Commitment)

I will take my time here and scrunch my eyes up dramatically as if I am studying her closely. This makes her wonder what is coming. (Commitment)

Me: "What's your name?"

Her: "Sarah."

Me: "Hi Sarah, I'm Juggler."

Each step here is unrushed and deliberate. I am unafraid of those pauses for evaluation. This gains much more of a commitment than if I would just go up and ask her name. My success rate in opening someone up this way is virtually a hundred percent. Why? Because they have made some commitment in the opening. They feel they have a part in it.