Who knew that the Golden Gate Bridge provided such a good metaphor for two people building a relationship? Wayne ‘metaphor maker’ Elise obviously...
Much like any worthwhile interaction, a bridge isn’t built from one side but works when both sides put in effort and meet in the middle.
Building a relationship ‘bridge’ with someone from your side only is never going to work. You become overly invested in the interaction. If the other person hasn’t made any effort, then it is much easier for them to walk away. Investing is committing so if you do too much of it, and the other person not enough, then you’ll end up with one person who wants to build the Golden Gate bridge of relationships - and another who is happier just sharing a few stepping stones with you.
How do you stop being too invested?
Stop thinking about demonstrating higher value - you may leave no space for the other person to naturally offer you their value. Learn something about them so you have a basis for your attraction and a genuine interest in their conversation.
Be comfortable with silences and use them to your advantage: give the other person a chance to fill the conversational vacuum.
Make statements - don’t ask questions: questions demand a response, show some courage and individuality in a statement instead. If a person responds to a statement it is a more genuinely invested response, and is the first step in getting them to commit to being more intimate with you on every level.
For more about how to make statements instead of asking questions read our new post ‘How to Say I Instead of Asking You’.
Until then get conversational bridge building.