By Wayne Elise
I'm sure you've experienced the fun of walking around a new city with no guide or guidebook. Perhaps you're like me, and your walks turn into all-day excursions. I can't resist my curiosity enticing me to explore a bit further. This gets me into trouble.
I wave for Erika to hurry. "Come on. Come on. This place is so ancient and interesting."
"And creepy," she says.
I point up ahead. "What do you think is around that corner?"
"Could be something fun. Or it could be the lair of an ice giant. This area's known for them."
"That would be stupendous. Let's check it out."
She rolls her eyes but follows me.
Hours later we're stumbling along.
"Did you bring water?" she asks.
"How about sunblock?"
"GPS, cell phone, flashlight, a pillow, book to read, midget with a coffee maker?"
"Oh coffee sounds nice. But no, I didn't bring any of that. I brought you. You speak Spanish and are an expert in Pilates."
"I don't think there are many Pilates studios out here. If we meet something horrible I doubt it's going to care about the quality of my spider kicks. Wait. Do you hear that?"
"What? That howling? Those are just dogs."
"I think we should have stopped when we saw those poles with the severed heads on top."
"That's someone's left-over Halloween decoration. Not a big deal."
"There were flies crawling on them."
"Let's hike to that next ridge and have a look around."
"Then we'll turn back?"
"Of course. No problem. You may not have noticed but I've been dropping kernels of popcorn periodically from this bag so we can find our way back."
"What? We could have eaten that popcorn."
"No way. It's buttered. You know I'm on a diet."
Sometimes writing feels like an exploration that gets out of hand. Emma and The Demon Pick Up Artists is coming soon - hopefully in the next month. It began as a blog post on sexuality and my time living with Emma who was an artist and erotic dancer. Simple. But it has kept growing. I find myself wanting to add more wisdom from the characters I've met. And I want to see what's around the next narrative bend.
Emma taught me lots about women, sex and people. She drove me crazy. She could be the most charismatic person and the darkest. She was a tease of the professional variety. I think everyone should have someone like her in their lives for a time.
Emma and The Demon Pick Up Artists has grown large enough I'm considering turning it into an ebook that can be read on Kindle or iBooks if people seem interested. And we will have a portion of it that can be downloaded for free. Please let me know in the comment section if you would like that. Thanks.
I turn in circles. "Wow, there's a lot of fog suddenly."
Erika rubs her fingers together. "Yeah. It's really thick."
"Well thank you dear. That's the nicest thing you ever said to me"
She shakes her head. "You have a way of making everything sexual."
"I know. It's a gift. Some men are athletic. Some are handsome. Me? I'm fast with the dick and pussy jokes."
She laughs despite herself.
"Your laugh sounds hoarse," I say. "We should find some gargle. Salt water is good for that."
I tried to wave the fog out of my face. "Unbelievable. I can't see more than a foot. I think you ought to hold my hand. There you go. Wow. What kind of skin cream have you been using? No offense, but your hand feels hairier than a camel's butt. Wait a second. I don't remember your arm being so muscled. Have you been lifting weights? Oh wow, your breath smells like…"
"Like um... like dead things. You're not Erika, are you?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm a werewolf."
"Are you going to eat me?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Can I ask, what you did with Erika?"
"We sent her back to werewolf camp. Many of the werewolves are desiring to learn Pilates."
"Oh good. Look! Over there. It's Michael J. Fox!"
"What? I love Michael J. Fox."
I ran for it. I didn't get very far though before the pack caught me. And that's the way I died. :)
By the way, for all who've read this far, a reminder that I'll be in New York this month and London in September for the Conversation Camp. You can sign up for those here and learn my techniques for effective conversation. Sign up this month and get a free invitation to the Mini-Storytelling workshop and fun party. Just send Gerard an email to hook that up after you order: email@example.com
And my Facebook is here. Don't friend the fake Wayne Elise.