Want to learn how to communicate with women more successfully and get them on that hot date with you? Want to know to how to send a text or an email that will get the response you want? Then stop planning your date and start visualizing it.
It's 8pm Monday night. My phone beeps with a text message.
“What r u up to Friday night?”
My heart pounds. What does this guy want to do?
I am free on Friday night, but if I say I am, then I’m trapped. I could have ended up unwittingly agreeing to go and see Avatar for the 6th time with his annoying friends, meet his parents or (worst of all) an incredibly awkward evening at his flat filled with mood lighting and make-out playlists eek!
I quite like him, but the odds of having a cool adventure versus a dating nightmare don’t look good so I text back:
- “I’m busy”- this can be exchanged for ‘I’m washing my hair/ helping a best friend through a break up/ seeing my mum whose just come to town’ or any other LIE I can think of to get out of committing to seeing you.
- “I think I’m going to be busy”- Maybes are not good news. They can pretty much be interpreted as ‘no’. I am however still offering a slight window of opportunity for you to win me over with your date night plans.
Unfortunately you’ll probably respond like this ‘Avatar, 6pm, on Richmond Street? You can get the 106 bus there or i can meet you after work.’
I inwardly sigh and remind myself to text you back (two days later) with:
“Sorry I am busy after all, I’m washing my hair/ helping a friend/ seeing my mother/ my pet fish has died” etc
Why hasn’t this worked? You went to all the trouble to work out the details? You even made it a place that it was easy for me to get to?
Problem is I had no real incentive to get there- even if you tried to set up a date opposite my house (this would be a little creepy) it would make no difference, I was not invested in the idea of the date.
How do you change this?
Move away from logistics. Bin the subway map, route planner, and the what’s on guide. Girls, and people in general, will make an effort to get to you but only if you get them to invest in the image of how great a scenario could be.
Instead of “What are you up to Friday?” be specific about the imaginative details, not the organizational ones:
“I would like to take you to this little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, tell you a few of my really bad jokes over a bottle of chateauneuf du pape red wine, and then kiss you by the Thames embankment as we walk home.”
And don’t let it be confined to just restaurant dates. Visualization can work just as well on a budget; you can make even a really simple date sound incredibly romantic with the right wording:
“I’d like you to go for a walk with me around Hyde Park. We can take lots of stupid pictures on my Polaroid camera, and I'm going to make you laugh by striking my best poses. We can then sit on the grass in the sunshine and make out until dusk”.
Give more than just an SOI (Statement of Intent). Give a clear visualization of what the date is going to be like. This not only separates you from all the other guys that are going to ask “What are you up to this Friday?”, but it also eliminates the straight up ‘busy’ you’ll get by leaving the date open ended. What’s more if you create a great scenario in the girl’s mind you won’t have to worry about the logistics. She will get there.
Create the right visualization, and the girl will want to make the effort to make the date happen.
If your picture painting of seductive scenarios needs brushing up, try a phone coaching session with one of our instructors. Or to get the most out of every kind of interaction you have sign up for a Conversation Camp with Wayne ‘Seductive-Scenario-Creator’ Elise.