Video: Building Bridges

Who knew that the Golden Gate Bridge provided such a good metaphor for two people building a relationship? Wayne ‘metaphor maker’ Elise obviously...

Much like any worthwhile interaction, a bridge isn’t built from one side but works when both sides put in effort and meet in the middle.

Building a relationship ‘bridge’ with someone from your side only is never going to work.  You become overly invested in the interaction. If the other person hasn’t made any effort, then it is much easier for them to walk away. Investing is committing so if you do too much of it, and the other person not enough, then you’ll end up with one person who wants to build the Golden Gate bridge of relationships - and another who is happier just sharing a few stepping stones with you.

How do you stop being too invested?

Stop thinking about demonstrating higher value - you may leave no space for the other person to naturally offer you their value. Learn something about them so you have a basis for your attraction and a genuine interest in their conversation.

Be comfortable with silences and use them to your advantage: give the other person a chance to fill the conversational vacuum.

Make statements - don’t ask questions: questions demand a response, show some courage and individuality in a statement instead. If a person responds to a statement it is a more genuinely invested response, and is the first step in getting them to commit to being more intimate with you on every level.

For more about how to make statements instead of asking questions read our new post ‘How to Say I Instead of Asking You’.

Until then get conversational bridge building.

Rule one of a conversation camp: Face your fears

Rule one of a Conversation Camp: you’ve got to come ready to confront your fears.

Lots of the time people try and avoid fear in their lives: the fear of speaking to someone new, escalating a situation, pitching your idea to your boss. There are even plenty of people out there who want to teach you to avoid fear. To do this they try and tell you that our interactions can be scripted.

But scripts don’t work in real life. Real life and really connecting with people doesn’t have a flow chart, and avoiding any social anxiety is unrealistic. Even our ‘Conversation Master’ Wayne ‘Juggler’ Elise gets nervous... sometimes. The difference with Charisma Arts is that we’ll teach you not how to avoid your fears but to overcome then; and that’s what makes you a real, engaging, charismatic person.

Fear is healthy.

It is normal to fear some social situations for fear of rejection, embarrassment or not presenting yourself how you would like. In fact if your pulse didn’t race a little when you first approach someone then we would suggest you try skydiving, lion taming, or kissing Megan Fox. We’re not supposed to avoid fear in our lives, we’re supposed to be able to face it and conquer it.

Fear is what drives us forward.

If we confront it, it shows our courage in tackling challenging interactions. And if we succeed against it then we get greater satisfaction from doing it, and a greater ability to escalate more, open more and engage with people more in the future.

You’ve got to come to a Conversation Camp ready to face your fears and become a more successful person. Be prepared for Wayne ‘Juggler’ Elise to actively and constructively teach you how to overcome your fears. He’ll use one on one role play and small group exercises to simulate and work through real life situations where your fear threshold is going to be challenged. Luckily these exercises come prefaced with new theories and examples from Wayne himself on how to turn fear into success. They also happen to be held in an elite supportive group, in an upmarket hotel conference center. So you can learn to challenge yourself (and have some laughs at Wayne’s expense in the process) in a comfortable environment, before learning new methods and ideas that you can take straight out and apply that night on the town, or the next day in the office.

By signing up for a Conversation Camp it shows that you are ready to face your fears and challenge yourself to take your social, business, sales or dating skills to the next level. It also shows bravery in wanting to change your life for the better - which makes us already think that you’re half way to mastering your fears already and are on track to be a great student.