Imagine That

Want to learn how to communicate with women more successfully and get them on that hot date with you? Want to know to how to send a text or an email that will get the response you want? Then stop planning your date and start visualizing it.

It's 8pm Monday night. My phone beeps with a text message.

“What r u up to Friday night?”

My heart pounds. What does this guy want to do?

I am free on Friday night, but if I say I am, then I’m trapped. I could have ended up unwittingly agreeing to go and see Avatar for the 6th time with his annoying friends, meet his parents or (worst of all) an incredibly awkward evening at his flat filled with mood lighting and make-out playlists eek!

I quite like him, but the odds of having a cool adventure versus a dating nightmare don’t look good so I text back:

  1. “I’m busy”- this can be exchanged for ‘I’m washing my hair/ helping a best friend through a break up/ seeing my mum whose just come to town’ or any other LIE I can think of to get out of committing to seeing you.
  2. “I think I’m going to be busy”- Maybes are not good news. They can pretty much be interpreted as ‘no’. I am however still offering a slight window of opportunity for you to win me over with your date night plans.

Unfortunately you’ll probably respond like this ‘Avatar, 6pm, on Richmond Street? You can get the 106 bus there or i can meet you after work.’

I inwardly sigh and remind myself to text you back (two days later) with:

“Sorry I am busy after all, I’m washing my hair/ helping a friend/ seeing my mother/ my pet fish has died” etc

Why hasn’t this worked? You went to all the trouble to work out the details? You even made it a place that it was easy for me to get to?

Problem is I had no real incentive to get there- even if you tried to set up a date opposite my house (this would be a little creepy) it would make no difference, I was not invested in the idea of the date.

How do you change this?

Move away from logistics. Bin the subway map, route planner, and the what’s on guide. Girls, and people in general, will make an effort to get to you but only if you get them to invest in the image of how great a scenario could be.

Instead of “What are you up to Friday?” be specific about the imaginative details, not the organizational ones:

“I would like to take you to this little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, tell you a few of my really bad jokes over a bottle of chateauneuf du pape red wine, and then kiss you by the Thames embankment as we walk home.”

And don’t let it be confined to just restaurant dates. Visualization can work just as well on a budget; you can make even a really simple date sound incredibly romantic with the right wording:

“I’d like you to go for a walk with me around Hyde Park. We can take lots of stupid pictures on my Polaroid camera, and I'm going to make you laugh by striking my best poses. We can then sit on the grass in the sunshine and make out until dusk”.

Give more than just an SOI (Statement of Intent). Give a clear visualization of what the date is going to be like. This not only separates you from all the other guys that are going to ask “What are you up to this Friday?”, but it also eliminates the straight up ‘busy’ you’ll get by leaving the date open ended. What’s more if you create a great scenario in the girl’s mind you won’t have to worry about the logistics. She will get there.

Create the right visualization, and the girl will want to make the effort to make the date happen.

If your picture painting of seductive scenarios needs brushing up, try a phone coaching session with one of our instructors. Or to get the most out of every kind of interaction you have sign up for a Conversation Camp with Wayne ‘Seductive-Scenario-Creator’ Elise.

The Connections Can Find You

I believe in the Nostradamus theory of attraction.  

Nostradamus was a 16th century seer.  His present-day followers believe that he predicted big world events such as the Great Fire of London, Napoleon, World War II, and even the 911 terrorist attacks. Indeed when I read some of his words I can sort of see where those followers are coming from - just got to read into the imagery a bit. Maybe I can find next week's lottery numbers.  

However what I have also learned about Nostradamus was that he babbled non-stop and people wrote down everything he said. With countless manuscripts full of his lucid visions, its easy to find something that sounds like a modern-day event. 

Nostradamus was a ladies man, I figure.  I want you to be Nostradamus.  I want you to understand that if you reveal enough about yourself a woman will find something to connect with.  

Most guys ask questions, make 'God' statements and try to force a connection with a woman:

Him: "Do you work out?"
Her: "Yeah, I run."
Him: "Running is great."

Her: "I hate traffic."
Him: "Yeah, traffic sucks."

Her: "Where are all the confident men?"
Him: "You're right.  Confident men are more attractive."

These are examples of ways that guys attempt to connect with a woman.  To my ear they sound fake.  Why? Because there is nothing unique or personal about the guy's words.  They're just pleasant-sounding mush. It's not believable that he agrees with her.  When a guy approaches a woman and tries to relate, she becomes suspicious.  It just doesn't ring true. 

It's much better if you allow connection to find you.  Nostradamus was great at this.  He blubbered on so much that connections with real-life, future-events actually found him. 

Think about everything that you know, think and feel.  Think about the sum of your individual experiences.  Now pick out any woman you find attractive.  May as well take the girl on the cover of Vogue magazine.  She looks perfect.  Now consider this.  If you and this girl took ten minutes to write down twenty likes, dislikes and vulnerabilities I bet I could take both lists and find at least five commonalities.  Maybe you are both rabid Tennis fans.  Maybe you share the same favorite novel.  Maybe you both need an occasional rainy day.  Maybe she is attracted to Katherine Heigl, just like you. Those commonalities would be authentic, unforced and... cool.  

So WWND?  What exactly would Nostradamus do?  Better yet, what will you do?

I think you should persistently talk in the 'I' perspective.  I have faith that if you express yourself often enough, in a personal manner, you will never have to try to connect with a woman, the connection will find you.