Finding inspiration in an unexpected place

Yesterday during my run I ran though the cemetery. I love cemeteries. Looking at the headstones, reading the names and dates. My favorite headstones are the ones with two names chiseled on them, a husband and wife. He's dead but she's still living. Her date of birth is the only date under her name. Sometimes she's outlived him by twenty or thirty years already. Kinda sad, but kinda beautiful too. You're probably wondering what all this has to do with meeting women. Well, it has a lot to do with meeting women, or men or whomever you want to meet.

Let's face it, internet-dating is competitive, and full of unattractive and sketchy people. You could meet someone at work, but unless you tend bar, that number is limited. To meet someone, I recommend just walking up and speaking to attractive strangers. And that, my friends, takes guts. The guts to face possible rejection and humiliating experiences.

And that is where the dead come in. The dead have one single message for you. I hear them say it to me every time I run through a cemetery. They whisper, "See you soon."

The dead know that you and I will one day be history. Our time is limited. The stasis of our life is illusionary. You must take advantage of your opportunities while they exist. You have an opportunity now. Too many people spend their lives wishing to find someone amazing or wondering when they will become an outgoing person who has 'opportunities'.

Maybe they're waiting for the perfect moment to approach that hottie at the coffee shop. Well, cemeteries are full of people who waited their entire lives for 'that moment'. Most people never go for what they want. I walk thought the sea of headstones. Here's a guy, Jacob Ralston 1889 -1929. I wonder what his life was like. Did he love? Did he yearn for more? Or did he spend his life in quiet desperation? We were the same age. Except I'm still alive and he's gone to dust. What will I do with my life? Will I take on challenges? Will I risk rejection for a chance to win the prize? Will I push myself to meet the people I find attractive? Or will I sit back, wait and one day pass from this world with regret? For that matter, what will you do?

I'm certain if the dead could vote they would tell us to go for it. We all end up dust anyway. I love the dead. They inspire. They lead. They remind me to live every day to the best of my ability. Because one day I will join their ranks in eternal sleep.

People must think I'm strange when they spot the smile on my face as I run out from between the gates of cemeteries.

And now the advert: One of the great ways to follow the lesson of the dead and take action in your life is to sign up for one of our events such as my Conversation Camp or a bootcamp with one of our instructors.

All the best, Wayne Elise

Some thoughts on being Seductive

Hello from Barcelona. When traveling abroad I often have limited time. I'm always running to catch a train or a flight, or working with clients, or practicing my art. I tend to fire off quick thoughts in my journal. I would like to share a few with you. * Since you learn things about people when you make statements you should watch their expressions closely. Are they into what you are saying or drawing away from you? These things let us know where the other person is at. We can learn how they feel and where their heart is at.

* Conversation is an art. It is creation. As such you must learn to speak creatively. Find the typical path and avoid it. Tape off that sucker with caution tape. I want you to have conversation that no two people on this Earth could be having at this moment (cred. Johnny). There are many people who may do similar things to you. At this moment people are working and driving and loving. But what makes you special is your unique take and expression. You must let that out. It is your music. Do that well and you will capture the imagination of those you meet.

* I have seduced women. I have been lucky that way. But everyone of these women I have fallen a little bit in love with before I was able to seduce them. I believe to create friends and lovers you must fall in love with each one a little bit. That is both the beauty and pain of my life and the art that I'm teaching you. To be loved you must love. Open your heart and say to yourself, "What is special about this person?" Trust and you will be trusted.

* Often we are looking for surety. But life is not supposed to be like that. You are built to discover and appreciate the unexpected.

* Often we are trying to make things happen. But somethings we must not try to control. They must come to us. Like a competent basketball player. We cannot chase the ball around the court but instead must have the confidence that our teammates will pass it to us and that they will screen and otherwise help us reach our mutual goal. The people we wish to seduce don't want to be passive objects that we 'do something to' but rather active participants. We must let them express themselves freely and we must tell them the path to our heart.

If you like these little thoughts you may also want to follow my life on Twitter:

All the best, Wayne

How to use statements to get someone talking back. (aka questions are for wimps)

My definition of conversation: a two-way interaction where two or more people freely share ideas and create a verbal synergy that is more than the sum of its parts. i.e., fun. You can hold up your side of the conversation by providing more statements and asking fewer questions.

"How do you show interest in people without asking questions?" my friend G-Rod asks me. I punch him in the shoulder and tell him you make statements in a personal way that make people reciprocate. The best way to start a fire is not by rubbing sticks together. It's to stick something in there already on fire.

For example, just today.... I'm crunching my abs at the YMCA. Nearby a girl works out. She's Joan of Ark. Impervious to distraction. She stares straight ahead as she lunges, sword and shield in hand. Okay they were dumbbells, but you get the picture. I understand most people, including myself, don't want to be disturbed while they're working out. But I can't help myself. I love a challenge. And I'm comfortable with hypocrisy. So when she pauses between sets, I wiggle my fingers at her and try to look friendly.

She pops her earbuds out and looks at me as if I'm from outer space.

"Sorry to bother you while you're working out," I say. "But I'm just wondering something about you."

This is what I call a Preamble. Most strangers don't hear the first words you say to them. They're in shock and awe that you would be talking to them in the first place. You can string together the most articulate, poetic words but all they will hear is, "wawawa." They're too busy processing your vibe, checking your hands for rocks and your face for aggression, and taking in your tone of voice. So don't waste your breath saying anything important. Get their full attention and build anticipation first.

She steps closer. "Yes?"

"That looks like an interesting exercise to me. I'm curious what sport you're training for."

She smiles. "Oh, no sport really. I do a little snowboarding. I'm just keeping in shape."

"Oh, I see. I ski. I wish I was a snowboarder. Your gear is much more hip. I'm jealous."

She smiles. "Oh and I'm a swimsuit model and a Budweiser girl in Cleveland."

That is what she said, I swear. Ladies and gentlemen, I can't make this stuff up.

I throw down a few more crunches. "Uh nice, I do a little bikini modeling myself. Okay, that's a lie. I model for Lazy Boy."

She laughs, steps closer, stretches her hamstrings.

"My training is extensive," I say. "Lot's of taking it easy, eating french fries." I look around. "I'd actually get in trouble if they found me here."

"You could say you were about to lay on those mats."

"Yeah, now you're thinking. I like that. What's your name?"

"I'm Jenny."

"Nice to meet you Jenny, I'm Wayne. Like that movie Wayne's World. Do you have a mnemonic to remember your name?"



Crickets chirping. Stupid close-ended question.

"So... yeah, I like talking with you." I throw down a couple more crunches. "I'm so going to drink a smoothie after this."

She ran her hand through her hair. "Yeah, my kids love those things."

I lost my balance mid-crunch, stunned. "You mean cats. Your cats love those things. It almost sounded like you said kids. Ha ha. As in small people with runny noses. Ha ha."

"I have a three and a five year old."

"No way you have babies. You're too, uh..."


"Yeah, moms are supposed to be Vikings."

She laughs. "Yeah. Most people are surprised."

"I want to have kids one day. I think they'd be fun. Like playmates that can't escape."

We move over to a lat pull down bar where I try to induce my lats muscles to resemble those of Brad Pitt.

"I play basketball with my five year old upstairs all the time." she says.

We talk on and off throughout our workouts. I feel as if I've made a friend.

But then Jenny finds me on her way out and thanks me for meeting her. She insists on giving me a high five. I change it to an Obama Rock. But no doubt, there's chemistry.

Later, I'm minding my own business, pretending the water I'm sucking from the fountain is a fruit smoothie when the fitness floor manager Rex walks by me smiling.

"You're my hero," he says.

I'm out of sorts. "What are you talking about?"

"I've seen lots of guys try to talk to her. I've never seen anyone get as much out of her. What did you ask her?"

"Nothing," I say. "Must have caught her on a good day."

Ahem. Just another feat for Conversation Man. I throw open a window and fly away.

I feel confident that Jenny would not have shared so much of her self if I would have come in with a bunch of questions. I think that would have made her feel interrogated and impinged upon. How it was, I made lots of statements which made her feel she was choosing of her own free-will to talk back to me.

Making more statements will help you:

* De-strangerfi yourself. People don't like to open up to those they don't know. So make sure they know you. Questions say very little about you while statements can set you up for personal expression.

* Think of more things to say. When you are in the mindset of making statements you are on your mental home turf. When you are simply asking questions it is easy to inquire about what you don't really care about risking a conversational dead-end.

* Allow the other person to feel as if they are making a choice to continue the conversation with you. Questions demand a response. Responding to statements is optional. Therefore when someone does chose to respond it's a more committed response.

* Statements lead others to share. People are not interested in opening themselves up to strangers. When you make more statements and ask fewer questions you de-strangerfi yourself. Also, when you

* Just suck it up. If you can't win someone over with statements, a bunch of questions will just delay the inevitable rejection.