Grooming 101: What to do about nose hairs.

Okay, let's get down and dirty. Or up and nasty, depending on your point of view. I want to talk about nose hairs. Once upon a time I paid no attention to nose hairs. I was young and blissfully unaware. Other than the occasional stuffed-up variety of nose, I mostly ignored my appendage, counting on it to just go wherever I did and do it's thing without any advice from me. But something unexpected happened on the way to middle age. Hairs began sprouting out of places I'd never expected. One night, after being rejected from my attempted make out with a friend, of a friend, of a friend, I took a look in the mirror and talked to myself, "That girl liked me. At least from afar. But when we got close, SHAZAM, nothing. What happened?"

I breathed on the mirror. Hard to tell, but my breath seemed okay. I looked for other clues. True, I was pastey white. And I needed a shave. And I was a DUDE. How could any girl want to make out with a dude anyway? Yuck.

Okay, I was getting off track. I moved closer, and that's when I spotted them, peeking out like paintbrush bristles. Their roots buried up somewhere deep. Nose hairs! And, oh my sweet Buddha, some were snow white. Made me think of my father who has never trimmed his nose hairs, ever. They just grow down and merge with the hairs of his mustache. Neat, huh?

But in other news, nose hairs DO NOT turn women on. Grooming is IN. Men are shaving their chests for Pete's sake. A girl I know claims to only date men who shave their arm pits. The world has turned. Lumberjacks and burly men no longer run things. It's the hipsters and the Robert Pattersons who are considered hot.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen a client show up for training with us who has under-groomed in the nasal region. This necessitates a tough conversation. I have, a few times, on the spot, marched a guy down to the pharmacy to buy a trimming instrument of desperate, nose-hair destruction. If we don't take care of the grooming essentials we may as well not be in the game. What game? The game of love, sex, life. Don't leave the house with visible nose hairs. It'll distract people at your work, walking down the street, babies will cry and wolves will howl. Your chance of getting 'lucky' is reduced by 82.5%.

Okay, now that I've made you suitably paranoid about the topic, let's move on to talk about how to take care of those prickly rascals.

My first attempt to get rid of my nose hairs was to pick up a pair of tweezers and yank the suckers. But pulling a nose hair, root and all, will make your eyes water, create an unfulfillable urge to sneeze and want to rub your nose along the floor like a puppy. I've got the rug burns to prove it. Not cool.

I tried battery-powered nose hair trimmers but they suck. Because of their design they can't get in there close to the skin at the center flesh of the nose. Guys who claim to use them, always have visible 'hairage' if you look closely enough. And girls do, if they're up in your grill, about to make out.

I've always said, if you want a job done right, you gotta get in there and swipe at it yourself with a sharp instrument. I recommend using cuticle scissors (see above pic). These are designed to trim toenails but they do an excellent job of trimming nose hairs too. The blades are curved and wicked sharp. That curve will help you get in there close to the skin without poking yourself. Buy the most expensive pair you can find. There's nothing as frustrating as isolating a stubborn nose hair only to botch the job with dull blades.

Technique: In each nostril there are two regions that must be attended to. Hairs grow from the middle, nostril-separating flesh and another variety grows from somewhere up in the no-mans land of deep in the nose.

Step #1 Find a mirror with light that you can shine in your face. You will need light from slightly below nose level. You may have to bring a desk lamp into the bathroom with you. Or buy one of those lighted, magnifying mirrors they sell to old ladies to help put on makeup.

#2 Push the tip of your nose sideways and slightly up, exposing the middle flesh on one side of your nose. Use the scissors to cut the hairs growing out of this region as close as possible to the skin. It will be apparent which way to turn the curve of the scissors once you get in there.

BE CAREFUL! As I mentioned before, cuticle scissors are sharp. The blood vessels in your nose are close to the surface. One inattentive slice and you will bleed, and bleed, and bleed. If you get in a fist-fight you can be proud of a bloody nose, but you will feel stupid telling an emergency nurse you cut your nose with cuticle scissors.

#3 Repeat the last procedure in the other direction.

#4 Now use a thumb to pull a nostril up and outwards, like extremely flairing it. This will expose hairs that grow down from above. Trim these. You won't be able to get near the roots of these suckers because they grow from deep inside, so just trim them up as close as you can. Once you release your nostril to normal position you'll get a couple weeks of growth before they start to poke down visibly again.

#5 Repeat on the other nostril.

Tip: Only go after the visible hairs. You need some nose hair to filter out dust and debris from getting sucked into your lungs.

Congratulations. Now that you've mastered your nose hairs you are now sexier and happier. I know that I am.

Until next time, All the best, Your friend and guide to being a sexier DUDE, Wayne Elise

Finding inspiration in an unexpected place

Yesterday during my run I ran though the cemetery. I love cemeteries. Looking at the headstones, reading the names and dates. My favorite headstones are the ones with two names chiseled on them, a husband and wife. He's dead but she's still living. Her date of birth is the only date under her name. Sometimes she's outlived him by twenty or thirty years already. Kinda sad, but kinda beautiful too. You're probably wondering what all this has to do with meeting women. Well, it has a lot to do with meeting women, or men or whomever you want to meet.

Let's face it, internet-dating is competitive, and full of unattractive and sketchy people. You could meet someone at work, but unless you tend bar, that number is limited. To meet someone, I recommend just walking up and speaking to attractive strangers. And that, my friends, takes guts. The guts to face possible rejection and humiliating experiences.

And that is where the dead come in. The dead have one single message for you. I hear them say it to me every time I run through a cemetery. They whisper, "See you soon."

The dead know that you and I will one day be history. Our time is limited. The stasis of our life is illusionary. You must take advantage of your opportunities while they exist. You have an opportunity now. Too many people spend their lives wishing to find someone amazing or wondering when they will become an outgoing person who has 'opportunities'.

Maybe they're waiting for the perfect moment to approach that hottie at the coffee shop. Well, cemeteries are full of people who waited their entire lives for 'that moment'. Most people never go for what they want. I walk thought the sea of headstones. Here's a guy, Jacob Ralston 1889 -1929. I wonder what his life was like. Did he love? Did he yearn for more? Or did he spend his life in quiet desperation? We were the same age. Except I'm still alive and he's gone to dust. What will I do with my life? Will I take on challenges? Will I risk rejection for a chance to win the prize? Will I push myself to meet the people I find attractive? Or will I sit back, wait and one day pass from this world with regret? For that matter, what will you do?

I'm certain if the dead could vote they would tell us to go for it. We all end up dust anyway. I love the dead. They inspire. They lead. They remind me to live every day to the best of my ability. Because one day I will join their ranks in eternal sleep.

People must think I'm strange when they spot the smile on my face as I run out from between the gates of cemeteries.

And now the advert: One of the great ways to follow the lesson of the dead and take action in your life is to sign up for one of our events such as my Conversation Camp or a bootcamp with one of our instructors.

All the best, Wayne Elise

How to meet one of those cool girls with a Mac laptop

It is my presumption that people who use Macs as opposed to PCs are more interesting. I'm biased for sure, but when I see a girl with a sexy PowerBook on her lap I know she's my type of woman. So in this scenario I'm presuming you feel the same way. Pay attention to her nonverbal feedback during your statements which can make you pursue the topic further or go in a different direction. There she is. Red hair and running shoes. She is sitting at the coffee shop behind a 17 inch aluminum Apple piece of modern art. She taps at the keys with two fingers, periodically wrinkling her forehead and frowning.

You walk past her but stop at the last instant.

You: "Hey nice computer. I couldn't help noticing that you have a Mac. I'm curious what you think."

Her: "Oh, I like it. Much better than my old computer."

You: "Yeah, no kidding. Mac's rule. They just work. No fuss, no muss. I have to confess though, and I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel a little superior to all those people with other types of computers. Like that guy over there. Poor guy has some sort of Dell."

Her: "Ha ha, yeah I kind of feel that way."

You: "Good I like that about you. Well, I should let you get back to your work. I imagine that it's pretty important and all..."

She shakes her head. Her: "It's okay, I'm not really being that productive."

You: "Well, in that case, I might as well complete the distraction. So what're you working on, if I may be so nosey as to ask?"

Her: "Oh, I have this report for work. It's about inventory control and what we should do to make it better."

You: "Fascinating."

Her: "Really?"

You: "No, not really. Okay, maybe. Depends on what the inventory is I suppose. If its lollipops it could be interesting. How many ten year olds does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Okay, I see I've lost you there. Let's just move on. So what are you inventory controlling?"

Her: "We sell fabric. I've got lots of fabric. Different colors and patterns. We have to keep track of all that and right now we do that with tags and sometimes they fall off."

You: "I see. So I'm guessing you went to art school and you have a design background."

She nods.

You: (continuing) "I like that. I have often been told I was artistic. Oh no wait, they said I was autistic. My bad."

She laughs.

You: "I like your laugh. What's your name?"

Her: "Sharon, but my friends call me T-bone."

You: "Nice to meet you Sharon. I like the nickname. I need a nickname. You're T-bone. I'll be big bone."

She gives a funny look.

You: "Oh, I didn't mean it like that. But yeah, I do have a bone for Mac girls."

Her: "Ha, so what are you doing tonight?"

You: "That my new-found, sexy-friend, T-bone incorporated, is a good question. I'm going to sit down next to you before I answer that, if that is quite all right with you."

Her: "Sure."

You: "So, I'm contemplating my place in the universe."

Her: "That's a big question."

You: "You sound as if you have given it some thought yourself."

Her: "I have. I think that a person can never truly know because only a god could contemplate the whole of the universe. We as people with small brains can never figure it all out. So I have stopped trying to figure it out and just try to feel my way."

You: "I like that. Makes sense on a lot of levels. I don't know what your relationship situation is but I'd like to get your number and have sushi with you tomorrow...."

She smiles.

You: (emboldened) "I know how to pour some mean saki. You see it's all in the wrist. You can't pour your own. That's bad luck."

Her: "You know, let's do that. I think it would be fun."

You: "I think so but if not then you can tell your friends I was a toothless loser who sucked his miso soup through his nose. Okay, if I can see your cell phone I'll just input my number under my new nickname, Big Bone."

If you have trouble rolling conversation like this consider coming to one of my Conversation Camps. I teach the techniques to build light, fun conversation that also moves the interaction along in positive directions.

Until next time, keep the faith all you CA social Kung Fu men of glory.