Imagine That
Want to learn how to communicate with women more successfully and get them on that hot date with you? Want to know to how to send a text or an email that will get the response you want? Then stop planning your date and start visualizing it.
It’s 8pm Monday night. My phone beeps with a text message.
“What r u up to Friday night?”
My heart pounds. What does this guy want to do?
I am free on Friday night, but if I say I am, then I’m trapped. I could have ended up unwittingly agreeing to go and see Avatar for the 6th time with his annoying friends, meet his parents or (worst of all) an incredibly awkward evening at his flat filled with mood lighting and make-out playlists eek!
I quite like him, but the odds of having a cool adventure versus a dating nightmare don’t look good so I text back:
- “I’m busy”- this can be exchanged for ‘I’m washing my hair/ helping a best friend through a break up/ seeing my mum whose just come to town’ or any other LIE I can think of to get out of committing to seeing you.
- “I think I’m going to be busy”- Maybes are not good news. They can pretty much be interpreted as ‘no’. I am however still offering a slight window of opportunity for you to win me over with your date night plans.
Unfortunately you’ll probably respond like this ‘Avatar, 6pm, on Richmond Street? You can get the 106 bus there or i can meet you after work.’
I inwardly sigh and remind myself to text you back (two days later) with:
“Sorry I am busy after all, I’m washing my hair/ helping a friend/ seeing my mother/ my pet fish has died” etc
Why hasn’t this worked? You went to all the trouble to work out the details? You even made it a place that it was easy for me to get to?
Problem is I had no real incentive to get there- even if you tried to set up a date opposite my house (this would be a little creepy) it would make no difference, I was not invested in the idea of the date.
How do you change this?
Move away from logistics. Bin the subway map, route planner, and the what’s on guide. Girls, and people in general, will make an effort to get to you but only if you get them to invest in the image of how great a scenario could be.
Instead of “What are you up to Friday?” be specific about the imaginative details, not the organizational ones:
“I would like to take you to this little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, tell you a few of my really bad jokes over a bottle of chateauneuf du pape red wine, and then kiss you by the Thames embankment as we walk home.”
And don’t let it be confined to just restaurant dates. Visualization can work just as well on a budget; you can make even a really simple date sound incredibly romantic with the right wording:
“I’d like you to go for a walk with me around Hyde Park. We can take lots of stupid pictures on my Polaroid camera, and I’m going to make you laugh by striking my best poses. We can then sit on the grass in the sunshine and make out until dusk”.
Give more than just an SOI (Statement of Intent). Give a clear visualization of what the date is going to be like. This not only separates you from all the other guys that are going to ask “What are you up to this Friday?”, but it also eliminates the straight up ‘busy’ you’ll get by leaving the date open ended. What’s more if you create a great scenario in the girl’s mind you won’t have to worry about the logistics. She will get there.
Create the right visualization, and the girl will want to make the effort to make the date happen.
If your picture painting of seductive scenarios needs brushing up, try a phone coach with one of our instructors. Or to get the most out of every kind of interaction you have sign up for a Conversation Camp with Wayne ‘Seductive-Scenario-Creator’ Elise.
Ok Hayley. I’ve got another (serious) topic i wanna hear about. Sexual tension. I want to get your point of view on that
This is good advice, I liked the not giving a specific date and leaving it rather open;As someone who’s taken classes with Dan,I highly recommend doing the phone coaching;it beats reading books on this stuff which in itself is quite dry, but if you like reading it’s best to do the coaching and then read on it for me anyway; I’ve come a long way.
This is really good, but I think the whole “make out in the park, kiss by the bridge” thing definitely should be saved for someone you’ve already at least kissed–ie, not a first date. I would be turned off by the presumption that I’m expected to kiss someone that I’m just getting to know. Then again, if it’s someone I already know well and love kissing, well… I certainly LIKE being proposed these imaginative scenarios, but since I’m already emotionally invested, the guy wouldn’t need them to get me to spend time with him. So I suppose this is a limited 2nd-to-4th date kind of deal.
I’m also not super won over by this one: “We can take lots of stupid pictures on my Polaroid camera, and I’m going to make you laugh by striking my best poses.”
I LOVE the first part: sounds fun! And creative! But “I’m going to make you laugh?” Euhhhhh… Fist off, that sounds a bit controlling to me–I’d prefer to decide what I’ll laugh at, thanks. Second, that’s a bit TOO MUCH detail–the description should get the imagination going, but leave the date open-ended, not give a play-by-play of every single thing we’ll do from start to finish. Then it sounds less like I’m going on a date than filling out some kind of predetermined checklist. I don’t want to go out with you if you’ve got every minute of our time together painstakingly planned out beforehand (that’s creepy!), and some of these are veering a little into that territory.
Good show. This is very specific and would love more articles like this.
You should let a woman know you’re interested in her very quickly, and then you should use your imaginative skills to maintain her interest shortly following that. If I meet a guy when I’m on a night out for example, even if the interaction was great, it doesn’t take long at all (a few asprin and a long day at work) to forget that spark. Using visualisation techniques can be really powerful, as Dan said, for securing that first date after you’ve met. This will stop you from being discarded as a ‘why did I like that guy?’ and keep their interest in you as a sexy, romantic figure. Also if the text/ email you send/ phone call you make has an element of surprise to it the impact will be greater. If I got a great message soon after I’d met a guy, and when I was bored on a Monday afternoon for instance, then that has some true feet sweeping power.
I’m always ready to take (serious) writing requests, and it was a great suggestion for an article… it gave me a chance to go into an interest aspect of what we teach at Charisma Arts, give some insider knowledge into female psychology and make it halfway humorous.
If only I could of worked some obscure literary references in there I would have been totally happy! Hope it helped you though and good luck with weaving those images
Wow. U worked on that particular request quite fast Hayley. Luvd the post. Brilliant. And i’ll request another topic off u very soon
Hey Nate
Definitely let a women know you’re interested in her by using a SOI (statement of interest/intent) But use your imaginative skills early on. I never suggest a date and time anymore. Right from the beginning I tell her what’s it’s going to be like when we’re together. In my last comment i told the girl, “I want to take you to one of my favorite things and I want you to take me to one of yours. For mine Im going to take you to my favorite yoga studio and we’ll practice for about an hour. And then after I’ll take you to this cool pub I know where they serve the best fish and chips and i want get to know you better.” Her response … I can do that on thursday. And for my favorite I want to take you to a chant we’re having…
Let her get into the spirit of it.
Great article Hayley! Being this descriptive and drawing a woman in with the power of imagination feels like it’s going to be a lot better than strategizing boring logistical details. Is this the kind of thing I should be doing right away when planning dates to get women involved? Or should I let a woman know I find her attractive first before I put my imagination hat on? Thanks again!
I followed this advice myself today (as I’ve advised so many clients) and landed 2 dates with a beautiful girl in SLC for next week. I’m taking her to one of my favorite things (yoga) and she’s taking me to one of her favorites (a Buddhist chant).
Amazing!!!
I found this useful & specific as a post not wishy-washy and unspecific
Maybe this guy just hasn’t found the right lady, that would think going to see Avatar with him, would be a good time.
Cheers Bruce
Hayley,
I thought this was transparent and informative, I enjoyed it.
I’d give you a B+ for image creating skills.
But I don’t think it would get the girls rushing to you…
Plenty of girls would go for the ‘uber-rustic shack’ (if you had mentioned that you have dreadlocks and play guitar this would have probably helped too) but no one likes to be told that they’re going to lose at scrabble
Haha Jimbo that is brilliant. I am stealing that one right now!
“I would like you to come over to my uber-rustic shack. Then we’ll play some scrabble over the glow of candle light because I haven’t paid the electric bill. After I beat you by getting a triple word score by spelling “SEX” and turn “ZOO” into “ZOOS,” I’m going to say, “The time for words is over.” And we’re gonna get it on like the monkeys do. Then I’m going to help you put your coat on and send you home at 5 am so you can enjoy the beautiful the sunrise.”
Do I have the right idea?
Me like. Very much
Another coach – James Marshall – mentioned the importance of leading the imagination but I like this specific example. I’ll give it a go next time!