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The importance of Trust in getting chicks to dig you. |
Have you ever done a trust fall? That is where you cross your arms in front of your chest, straighten you legs and then tip yourself backwards with someone behind you that will be willing and able to catch your fall. In order for you to do this you have to be willing to trust your partner. If they don’t make the catch you could break your back or bust your head open and forget who you are, Charlie. There’s a scene in my favorite movie of all time, Mean Girls, where the characters utilize a trust fall. It’s dorky I know but so I am sometimes, ha.
When picking up women, your partner in the trust fall is the woman you are talking with. You must trust her. That is an order from me, Captain Wayne to you, Sergeant Reader-of-this-article. Women can sense when you don’t trust them. They understand that a man who doesn’t trust is a wannabe dictator. And as with most dictators he’s no fun to be around.
If any of these are you then give me a call and we will talk about setting you on the right path.
* Not adding pauses into your speech.
* Stacking routines.
* Being overly positive. Afraid of negativity.
* Not talking in a personal manner.
* Talking too fast.
* Relying on witty content.
* Forcing numbers.
* Asking close-ended or god-forbid, leading questions.
* Looking for signs that she likes you. IOI-trash
* Other stupid stuff.
These all add up to not getting laid. Wake up and smell the coffee. They are a symptom of YOU not trusting HER. Guys who get laid at pick up (all 50 of them) believe they are secure enough to let women react to them any way they want. They make room for it. Why? Because they trust her to like them. They’re not dictators, they’re libertarians. They understand that for a woman to value you she must invest in the relationship. Yeah, sometimes she will be mean, sometimes she will be brash, sometimes she will say stupid things or pull your ear hairs out. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to bonk you in the Holiday Inn hot tub.
Ultimately, trusting women means trusting yourself. People are just a mirror for you to bounce yourself off of, you know? You have to trust that you are an interesting, fascinating read. Slow down, learn to better articulate your personality, ask a few open ended questions and have faith that you are being cool despite any concrete evidence.
Does that make sense? If not, its my fault. I’m running around the world blabbering on about using the ‘I’ perspective but I don’t know if I’ve ever really explained what that means. My bad. What the “I’ perspective means is you making a pact to trust yourself to be interesting enough. The rest is just techniques to articulate yourself better and allow her to do the same, oh and escalation theory, gotta have that. Well, I guess I have some more writing to do. See you next time - Wayne Elise
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August 19th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Ha, ha, ha. I hope you were joking abou mean girls being your favourite movie Wayne. I went to see that with my brother in the cinema. Oh God, I felt so embarrassed. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I will give you a call some time.
August 20th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Can we please leave the political BS out of it, that somehow guys who are needy are “wannabe dictators” who’ve been stepped on their whole lives by mean spirited non-understanding, more animal then humane human beings? This idea that whenever a guy has problems with women it’s him is totally false. This world is filled with war and poverty, that shows that we as human beings are not very nice creatures to begin with, no matter what stripe of idealogy or values you think you have, our actions speak for themselves.
The quality of the post is great minus the terms dictator and libertarian.
Leave the political terms out of this bs, for people so socially skilled, some of the teachers seem pretty insensitive to the guys who’ve had trouble with women and socializing all their lives, so look at it this way: When children don’t understand because they are not mature enough, should parents just go around calling their kids dictaotors?
Thats the kind of mode I get in when the world gets me down, I am the parent and other people are the children.
People eat $10,000 meals while some homeless women or man kills themselves over not being able to afford their bills, this world and it’s people are messed up bad, don’t pretend it’s not.
August 21st, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Hey Bert,
I think that I agree with you. Even grown ups are like kids. They want to be good but they sometimes do bad things. A woman can hurt us but she still cares about us deep down, in the bottom of her soul. That is why we have to trust in people’s goodness. Otherwise we risk turning into dictators when, really, we are libertarians at heart. Remember that lesson kids.
August 21st, 2008 at 3:11 pm
“Otherwise we risk turning into dictators when, really, we are libertarians at heart. Remember that lesson kids. ”
Dictatorship naturally arises out of democracy, and the most aggravated form of tyranny and slavery out of the most extreme liberty. — Plato
Freedom without restraint and sound judgement and character is Tyranny.
Or to put it anothe rway — Libertarianism without restraint and character is tyranny
Just remember freedom is a circle, at the top you have dicatorship, at the bottom you have dictatorship, in the middle the balance between freedom and responsbility has to be met.
Freedom is a priveledge that shouldn’t be abused, we call them rights, but look at how badly people abuse their freedom today and the world is no better for it, we need to know when to be responsible and when to let loose, and the wisdom to know the difference.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I find this discussion very interesting. I’m only starting to realise how much Wayne’s article applies to me. I think I need to trust more that I am cool and interesting without having to do anything special. But maybe Bert is right that there also needs to be some rules, and we don’t want to not enforce them for fear of looking uncool. Help us God of pick-up. Please give us the wisdom to know where to draw the line.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
“I know you won’t believe me, but the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others.”–Socrates
The big thing is people don’t have enough time in their lives to study what is true and what is not, they live a lot of their lives under illusions to knowledge, because of how they’ve been taught or haven’t been taught, unfortunately, our society doesn’t value what really matters, false senses of wealth, freedom, truth and happyness, takes priority over the things that really matter: Knowing how to expose your own illusions to knowledge and knowing how concepts are formed and made into words, and where values are derived from and why. Questions few people want answered, illusions are preferable to truth for most people sadly.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Wikipedia: To illustrate the use of the Socratic method; a series of questions are posed to help a person or group to determine their underlying beliefs and the extent of their knowledge. The Socratic method is a negative method of hypothesis elimination, in that better hypotheses are found by steadily identifying and eliminating those which lead to contradictions. It was designed to force one to examine one’s own beliefs and the validity of such beliefs.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socrates
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
The Socratic method; is a series of questions are posed to help a person or group to determine their underlying beliefs and the extent of their knowledge. The Socratic method is a negative method of hypothesis elimination, in that better hypotheses are found by steadily identifying and eliminating those which lead to contradictions. It was designed to force one to examine one’s own beliefs and the validity of such beliefs… search “Socrates” google or wikipedia. Peace.
August 24th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Bert, I think the term “dictator” is an apt description of a single person who desires to dictate all of the actions of other people.
And I think that the term “libertarian” is clearly used here to mean a person who, rather than wishing to dictate the actions of people, desires to give people liberty to act freely.
Those are completely different, and relevant, psychological perspectives.
Also, no where was it claimed that liberties = a democracy (i.e., mob rule), so your tirade against democracy freedom without restraint is a non-sequitur.
By the way, have you ever noticed that people who are not secure in their understanding of ideas repeat the exact words and phrases of others?
Do you think that those who cannot think, quote? Many do.
I wouldn’t want people to think that of you, so I suggest you start trusting yourself to speak for yourself.
And if you’re on this blog in the first place because you want to be better with women, then the above advice might help with that, too. I mean, who knows, maybe girls actually like guys who trust themselves.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“Bert, I think the term “dictator” is an apt description of a single person who desires to dictate all of the actions of other people. ”
You missed the point completely, they are not trying to intentionally control the actions of others, not only this, this assumes that your perspective is actually the better of the two, and that people are actually “correct”. They are trying to figure out a way to interact against the unconscious prejudice and lack of emotional and mental fortitude people have against people that are merely different from themselves.
People are prejudice, period, it’s mostly unconscious and they don’t realize it, but they obey it religiously, so I don’t fault them for it because I know it’s the bugs in our biology.
But many people call them dictators, you don’t understand that many of these guys are basically children in terms of social skills, they do not receive the same social information. They do not interpret their socializing the way someone in the 3rd person would.
This all comes from ignorance of how we work…
See below, skip to time 18:22 and watch till 24′ish, or more if you find it interesting.
http://tinyurl.com/564g3c
Guys have problems with girls, because people are fundamentally emotionally and mentally weak, and can’t accept difference biologically. Check out a few books on neurology to get a better picture of human thought, prejudice, thought.
Most people outside of science are still are under the false view of reason.
August 31st, 2008 at 10:41 am
Hi Bert,
I enjoyed reading your comments, what is your nickname on the forum?
Pieter
August 31st, 2008 at 10:12 pm
You’ll know it starts with… grey
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:49 am
If Craig make a plane and it falls out the sky, then Craig is a crap aircraft engineer.
If Craig goes and does a comedy show and no ones laughs, then Craig is a crap comedian.
If Craig does an SOI and the woman is embarressed and goes cold, (because she doesn’t want to be hit on), then Craig is a crap uncalibrated PUA.
Ignoring feedback, IOI, is looney.
You get good by looking at their feedback and correcting what you’re doing that causes negative feedback.
Throwing up your hands to how they respond, that’s surrender to always being rubbish, tragic really.
Endless hours of lectures, really worthless because the techniques I apply them infield and they rarely work (yes I use IOIs and lays to judge their efficacy). I want to see footage of them working because I don’t trust yourself to properly break down what you’re doing. Because it can’t be what you’re trying to teach, cos’ I don’t beleive you go round making girls uncomfortable and embarressed, and blowing yourself out, and making them feel spurned for their compliments.
JM0.0 used to draw the women to you (when you wanted to be considered an artist) and now as a teacher, with SOIs, you teach men to hit on women. I want the old Juggler, but with full disclosure. I’m sure it works better than JM2.x
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:57 am
“If Craig make a plane and it falls out the sky, then Craig is a crap aircraft engineer.”
Totally context dependent, more often then not if craig passed those bitch hard tests in University (in order to get a degree to become an aircraft engineer). So it just means craig made a mistake, before planes get into commercial production they go through the proto-type stages, all weapons and military hardware do when their complexity increases keeping track of the complexity is beyond any one man. I think the analogy is way off, experts make mistakes all the time, they are just better at hiding behind status and bullshit because no one is learned enough to call them on their shit.
“If Craig goes and does a comedy show and no ones laughs, then Craig is a crap comedian.”
Craig is currently a crap comedian, or craig’s audience doesn’t share his humor, i.e. this assumes everyone finds the same stuff funny, but I know what you meant — fairly good analogy here.
“If Craig does an SOI and the woman is embarressed and goes cold, (because she doesn’t want to be hit on), then Craig is a crap uncalibrated PUA.”
Jugglers books say to SOI only AFTER you know she’s interested, that is like the law.. maybe wayne has forgotten but I haven’t.
“Ignoring feedback, IOI, is looney.”
Not really, most thought is unconscious, feelings pass… most peoples values and emotional states are not permanent, like winds on the shifting sands, don’t believe me? count how many women go back to and fuck their ex’s or guys that gave them good sex /w no strings attached… a hell of a lot, I know because I hear earfuls of it daily.
“You get good by looking at their feedback and correcting what you’re doing that causes negative feedback.”
You assume that people live like that, they don’t, the idea that every encounter requires constant feedback adjustment is a half truth, no one behaves entirely based the PUA precise monitoring. While I agree with you in theory and partly in practice (i.e. you can do that). It’s a lot for people to manage, i.e. demands total and complete dedication most people don’t want/have, as they are interested in other things.
“Endless hours of lectures, really worthless”
Not really.. the problem is with lectures not based on videos or things that are done, i.e. half the stuff that should be taught (the hidden cam stuff) is missing.
As for lectures in and of themselves.. they can be enlightening for enhancing understanding after the fact or getting social understanding to the clueless to give them a place to start, the point is not to dogmatize it and worship it.
Concepts act as filters and interpreters of how we see and interpret the world. Your endless hours of lectures statement applies to you and people like you, but it doesn’t apply to everyone (one size doesn’t fit all, but it’s sure to fit some)
“I don’t trust yourself to properly break down what you’re doing.”
I agree… thumbs up from me here.
September 5th, 2008 at 9:02 am
I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings Wayne. I’m a bad man.
I-perspective is good it has ‘worked’ many times.
The most vivid memory I have is approaching a woman ordering drinks in a near empty bar, and talking about eating orange juice lollies as a kid. How weird it was that I could suck out the juice leaving an ice crystal, and how surely orange juice shouldn’t be water and orange essence but indivisible… something like that.
She said ‘wow’
seemingly thinking this interaction was special.
Then she took her drinks and went back to her friends.
It’s not everything. But it is something.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Hey goose,
I like that you apologised. I think that for me it would take guts to do that in front of everyone, because it’s like opening myself up and showing that I made a mistake.
I also liked your story about the popsickle. I thought it was great, and that it kind of contrasted with most of your other interactions I’ve seen posted, where I think that you asked a lot of questions. If I’d been on the ball there, When you got the “wow” reaction, I’m sure there was a window there that you could have jumped through somehow.
Here’s my main point though: I used to sometimes feel a bit angry at Wayne when my SOIs were going down badly, but I don’t think that that is appropriate really. The only reason that I can think of to legitimately get angry at Wayne is if you think that he is being dishonest or trying to take advantage of someone. I don’t believe that he is doing either of those things. On the contrary, I believe that he is giving the best advice that he can (and by far the best advice I’ve seen out there IMO), and that you and I are not even paying for it. We are free to forge our own path if we don’t agree with what’s being recommended here.
Personally, i love trying to figure this stuff out, and I really appreciate that Wayne devotes himself to this whole Charisma/dating topic, regardless of the accuracy of what’s being taught. Everything is a progression IMO.
If somebody has a theory and it turns out to be untrue, it’s still great that they came up with the theory and spent that time thinking about it, especially when they are sharing that theory freely IMHO.
I think that it’s good to examine the theory and ask questions, but I feel that the anger is misplaced and unjustified, because I think that Wayne is doing his best.
And in my opiniion, nobody else (that I know of) comes close.